hodgman

Though the hoboes are gone, there are those who still admire their lifestyle of unworried rambling and crusty pants. I do not understand these people and I cannot stop them. But I can insist that if you do decide to take to the rails, you should choose for yourself a proper hobo moniker. Here are seven hundred more known historical hoboes whose names you can steal. You should not feel guilty about this. If they were still at large, they would steal your name without hesitation. If they could manage it, they'd steal your reflection from the mirror and sell it to the still surface of a moonlit pond. And then they would drain the pond out of spite.

If you wish, you may append your hobo name with "Jr," "II," or "fils," after a custom of the more honorable hoboes, bearing in mind that the more honorable hoboes tended to be strangled on sight. (46)

Hodgman, John. "Best American Things to Know about Hoboes." excerpt from The Areas of My Expertise. The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2006. Ed. Dave Eggers. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 2006. 43-54.